**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Randomize
