i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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