I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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