I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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