I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
