yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
