The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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