im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
