After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
