oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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