I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I could fuck to npr.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
