I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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