Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
even my farts smell like vagina
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
