You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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