No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
