Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He better not be in your backpack
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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