So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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