I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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