So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
