I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
