brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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