Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
