obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You pole danced in your parka.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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