So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
