three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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