Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
