The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
