none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
