hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
