I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Randomize
