He is an equal opportunity slut.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
