When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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