one two three fourrrrnication!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
