so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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