Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
