alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
