I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
