I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Found your dick twin last night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
