Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
