...so i touched it.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
