Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
