when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
A bitchslap is in order.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
