her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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