Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm really into asian looking animals
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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