he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
