you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
