kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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