Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
