just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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