what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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