Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
