craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
