I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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