in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
